5 months post op

Yesterday was 5 months post op. Tuesday she turned 10 months old. Today is 5 months, 1 day post op - she had surgery at 5 months, 1 day old... so she has been post op for as long as she was born pre-op.

I cannot believe it... it seems like yesterday. Yet the one month from when surgery was scheduled to when it happened seemed like eternity.

She gets funnier and more of a personality every day. She scoots herself backwards in her walker and seems surprised when it moves. She holds her bottle better these days and eats anything I feed her. STILL no teeth - I think she is taking after her momma. She still eats up anything Collin says or does to her. She will watch Collin and Sasha (our dog) play chase with the tiny yorkie-sized tennis ball and just laugh and squeal. It's one of the few times I get a real laugh out of her. She's a very somber baby. Her feet still sweat constantly, so do her hands. Sometimes it's hard to tell if her hands are sweaty or if they're just covered in slobber.

I still don't think the enormity of everything that happened has actually sank in, and maybe it never will. Maybe there's a reason it hasn't, similar to why parents aren't allowed in the OR and why people leave the room when a baby has a medical crisis. It's just too heartbreaking, too painful. I was looking back at her pictures today and reflecting on what a tough girl she is, and I saw the ones of her on her ventilator and all hooked up to everything, fresh out of the OR. She's laying there, asleep and helpless, and it's the closest I've ever come to completely understanding what she went through. It's like a bucket of ice settled in my stomach, and for a brief moment I realized exactly what had happened. I have lived with the scars every day, but never fully grasped the cause. My daughter is a miracle, she's amazing, and her strength once again has me speechless.

Joyous thanks and praise to God for Haley Mae - who is kicking everyone's butt in the hospital and doing so well - and to Stefan, who is recovering in smaller steps but nonetheless doing fine. Continued prayers coming their way.